I have always wanted a big family. I didn’t have the most stable childhood, so I knew that I wanted to raise kids and be as prepared as possible before I made that decision. I have now come to the conclusion that nobody is every really prepared to have kids, whether you choose to have them or not.
When Linda and I started seeing one another, I knew she had a daughter. It never made me hesitate or question whether or not I should date her. I soon found myself in love and realizing that if things worked out, I would inherit a daughter. For the first several months, I spent as much time with Warner as possible. We had “girl’s days” equipped with organic facials and dress-up, we went to the movies, we went fishing. This was the easy part. We built a bond that was pure and untainted. Then it was onto the hard part. The hard part was being in charge and having to tell her no. The hard part was reminding her for the 5th time that day that we don’t whine to get our way.
I truly wasn’t ready for all of that responsibility, and it showed. Linda and I argued about it, talked about it, cried about it. There were some days I wasn’t sure that I could continue moving forward with the relationship. I wasn’t ready to be a mom. I wasn’t ready to discipline. I wasn’t ready to stay in on weeknights because I couldn’t find a babysitter. I wasn’t ready for a small child to crawl into my bed at 2 a.m. because she had a bad dream, or didn’t feel good. I wasn’t ready for the hovering, questions, and general grossness that comes along with children. But I continued, even though I was so unprepared. Months went by, and I still wasn’t ready. I wasn’t ready for the unconditional love I felt towards such a small human. I wasn’t ready to see myself in her, though she didn’t come from my DNA. I wasn’t ready to be excited for field day or to be so proud of her good grades. I wasn’t ready to lay in bed at 8 a.m. on a Saturday and laugh so hard I cried. I wasn’t ready for the random hugs throughout the day and the very soft, “I love you, Kait”s before bed. I wasn’t ready to be a mom. But I love every single minute of it.
The Funny Farm 