Picture this: it’s January of 2015 and I get invited to a ‘Pinterest Cocktail Party’. Let me start off by saying, this party was a TERRIBLE idea. Basically, a lot of people get together with Pinterest mixed drink recipes and you taste what everyone brings. In other words, go take a shot of vodka, a shot of tequila, a shot of gin, a shot of bourbon, a few shots of peach schnapps, and a shot of grenadine with lime juice and that is the equivalent of this party. So I am at this party and after a few drinks I am Lit Linda. I’m singing, and dancing, and talking to anybody who will pretend to listen. That’s when I found out about a puppy that someone at the party was fostering. “A PUPPY!” I thought, “I have been wanting a puppy! This is a great idea! Let’s go get a PUPPY!” Did I mention that there was a puppy? I had someone take me to this girl’s house and I vaguely remember telling her, “I only want to see the calmest one you have.” She put Bentley in my hands and I was in love! He was so cute and so sweet and she told me he was the calmest puppy she had. I refused to see any other puppies, and took him home with me that night.
Fast forward to a few days later, after I have recovered from the Party of Doom. This dog… is NOT calm! He’s insane! He has constant zoomies, he eats panties, and he gets under the bed and bites at my feet! What on earth have I done? I have brought home a monster who lives under my bed! He takes hostages! He leaves no man, or woman, standing! Ahhhh! Okay, so maybe I am exaggerating about the hostages, but Victoria’s Secret started a crotch-less panty line under my bed and I didn’t even get any of the profit…
This is Mr. Monster now, almost 6 years later. He’s the calmest dog I have and he never leaves my side. We have been on many adventures together and he has gotten me through some really rough times. I owe a lot to him, as he has been the most patient dog that I have ever had.
It is also worth noting that the black market panty business is still in full swing! And I have still never seen a dime!
The Funny Farm 