I am more than my sexuality, and so are you…

Recent events have led me to write this very raw and very emotional post. I will start with a little bit of a backstory.

I come from a family of southern baptists. I was raised in church and I was baptized when I was too young to even understand what it meant. When I got older and started forming my own opinions and deciding my own beliefs, I didn’t think a baptist church was the place for me, so I stopped going. My grandmother was very disappointed in me. She was the daughter of a preacher and a God-fearing Christian who would bring her faith into any conversation, whether it was appropriate or not. During this time in adolescence, I also “came out” as a lesbian. This was a shock to most of my family. A lot of people held onto the idea that it was a phase or that I was just experimenting and it would pass. Years went by and it did not pass, obviously. Everyone came around, too. Everyone except my grandmother.

Fast forward to now. I am planning my wedding, I am playing the role of mom, and I am loving my life! When I was a little girl, I dreamt of having a fairy-tale wedding, and that’s exactly what I am planning. The ceremony is outdoors and I will have flowers everywhere; I want eucalyptus table runners and baby’s breath in my hair. I will have a traditional father-daughter dance, I will have my father walk me down the isle, and I will not see my bride the night before the ceremony. I will have my friends and my family waiting for me in the field, and I know that I will cry when I see the woman waiting for me at the end of the isle. My dress is absolutely beautiful and it encompasses every idea I had for this day. It is elegant and tasteful and I feel so beautiful in it- just as I had hoped I would. My little sister is my maid of honor and my closest friends are my bridesmaids. I want a bachelorette party by the ocean and I plan to honeymoon somewhere exotic like Belize or The French Polynesian Islands. The vision I have in my head is breathtaking and perfect. There is just one thing missing.

My grandmother will not be attending. The same grandmother that took pictures of my naked body, one arm stretched out, taking my first breath of air. The same grandmother that I played so many board games with as a kid. The same grandmother that used to dress my cousin and I up in matching outfits because we are so close in age and take us to church on Sundays. The same grandmother that taught me how to cross-stitch and make the perfect broccoli casserole. The same grandmother who let me sleep in her bed up into my teens because I never wanted to sleep alone. The grandmother that I never thought I could live my life without. The grandmother that I have always stepped up to help. The grandmother that I forgive over and over again, despite her hypocritical actions. My grandmother- my Nanna, will not be there to see my fairy-tale. She won’t see me in that beautiful dress with those beautiful flowers. She won’t be there to smile as my father gives me away to my future. She won’t be there to cry because she finally sees that I am indeed a woman. She won’t be there to watch me take those steps into my new life-chapter… all because I am gay.

This is what I have to say to that: I am WAY more than just gay. I am happy. I am a mom. I am a daughter. I am someone who fights for equal rights. I am a feminist. I am an animal lover. I am a volunteer. I give to those in need. I stand up for what I believe in. I am honest. I am a writer. I am a damn good cook. I recycle. I use cruelty free EVERYTHING. I am a mentor. I am a professional. I am a god-mother. I am a best friend. I have literally taken the coat off my back in the middle of winter for someone who needed it. I am kind. I am spontaneous. I am a traveler and a total foodie. I am the person who doesn’t throw stuff away because someone can use it. I am a nature-lover. I am a survivor. I am her granddaughter. I am way more than my sexuality.

So this is the question I pose to all of those people who don’t want to be a part of something beautiful because of someone’s sexuality: Instead of going to the “gay wedding”, can’t you go to the “animal lover’s wedding” or the “tree hugger’s wedding” or simply, “my granddaughter’s wedding”? Think about it…